Oh Winona..Ever Since You Shoplifted...

You really have never been the same...

WHO TOLD YOU THIS WAS OK!?

When I saw this picture I laughed- She face expresses the exact feeling her dress gives people..Lol amazing.

Sigh.. Tuesday

Today... Today.. what to say today. I am bored.. So bored with life in general. I really don't want to work til I'm 65 ... I don't see how that is possibly. I'm not a lazy person. But the routine is killing me. I have to find something different to spice my life up before I fade away. I feel so insanely typical and ordinary. Sitting here alone at my desk.. I went for a massage the other day and talked to the masseuse about going to school for massage therapy because it is something I have been considering. When she started describing what the class entailed. I don't think I have ever felt so overwhelmed. It is has been so long since I have been in school learning things on a regular basis, it is terrifying to think about going back to that. And everyone says "well if it is something you really want to do then you will do well!" But that is the thing.. it isn't something I really want to do I just want to make money and do something I enjoy doing. And it just feels impossible. I have 15k in debt hanging over my head in debt.. feels like I am completely trapped. And if I go back to school that means more debt. MORE!? I don't want anymore. What are the chances of winning the lottery.. pretty slim huh? Jeez... Become a stripper? Nooooo... unfortunately I'm too classy... They weren't kidding when they said life's not easy. But I tell you.. days like today.. I feel like my "shituation" is completely swallowing me whole and it's hard to breathe. Like being stuck in a sauna breathing through a straw.. It is horrible. I wish I felt a sense of direction. How do people know what they are meant to do anyway..? How do you decide? How do I get out of my boring life? Argh...



The Dog Man

So this weekend I met a guy... I'm actually really nervous about the whole thing because he sounds almost too good to be true.. Have you ever met someone that seems so deceivingly perfect that you want to grab their shoulders and shake them yelling "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! JUST TELL ME!" Because that is how I feel about him. He works with animals. He trains dogs all over the world.. Like a hotter Cesar Milian. It's  like talking to my own personal superhero - basically he has my dream job. We talked on the phone last night for what felt like 2 hours.. felt completely effortless... I don't remember the last time I had a conversation like that. We got off the phone and were talking on msn and instantly we couldn't keep our emotions in. I told him his voice sounds like Christmas morning and he said mine sounded like the first time he ate lucky charms.. and it was perfect. Queue Vomit Now- I know that was a little too much but it happened and it was cute damn it. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm really at a loss for words.
Anyways..  he also coaches boxing or something.. and I'm trying to get in shape.. like.. before I say "Thank you Lord for my dream man" I'm trying to chill the eff out.. because I have learned repeatedly from experience that most of the time when something sounds too good to be true, it really is.... But.. here is hoping... That Emily might catch a break. Maybe God? Just Maybe?
Goodnight- Longer post tomorrow I promise.



Ew...Morning

So I just got into work..before the sun has risen. Shouldn't that be illegal or something. Argh.. I feel like death. On a good note, I got my computer back and it's so far running like a dream :) He even cleaned it?! Last night I went to see Love and Other Drugs with Rebecca and whoa.. good movie. A lottttttttt of nakedness, but I'm not complaining.. well maybe a bit considering I am not getting any action these days.. singleeeeeeeee woooo fricken whoooooo. Jake Gyllenhaal.. yum! Can I just say there is a serious lack of his breed in the world .. I've gone for months not seeing someone of his stature and it's sad. If we met.. magic would happen.. Magic I tell you. But the bad thing about watching these romantic type movies is that afterwards.. if you are single and actively looking anyway, it makes you feel EXTRA lonely. I got home to my pets and let me tell you I felt crazy lonely.. and sad. I had a hot bath trying to warm up the cold feeling I had inside. Listened to Sinead O'Connor's Nothing Compares To You. Not thinking about anyone in particular.. just making myself cry because I could feel that I needed to get it out. Then I put myself to bed and thought briefly about Jake Gyllenhaal.. then... a little bit about Captain Custard.. then back to Jake again.. I finally decided to watch Whose Line Is It Anyways Hoedowns until I felt better. Good news is it worked.. I finally passed out and HOLA here i am today feeling beat up and like poo. But.. I'm sure there will be a better day in my future where I will have my very own Jake. I believe there is a person out there for everyone. I like to think that when you start life it's like, your "person" is also starting at the same time at the end of one big maze. And throughout life you are trying desperately to find this person, but it's all about timing and the decisions we make along the way that eventually bring us to them. And maybe at some points throughout our lives, we have our faces pressed up against the wall right next to one another, because you can feel the other person is near. Maybe, that day you walk by a store in a mall somewhere and randomly decide to go in, when you don't usually go into that store, it's because they are there or were there earlier that day... Or a song comes on, and you feel instantly drawn to it, it's because it is one of their favourites... Ok, maybe this is a little extremely romantic.. but the more you go through life and date all the bad people like I have.. the more that dreaming about the right one eventually coming soothes you. What the scary thought is.. is that what if you never find them all? But I like to think that this has a very high success rate. I think fate has something different in mind for everyone, so try not to worry. He or She will come and they will be everything that you hoped and wished for.. maybe even more. Maybe, I should listen to my own advice huh? Anyways.. take it for what you will. I continue to hope for someone eventually who is my "person" ..my lobster if you will..



My First Kiss...

A few people at work were sharing their first kiss experiences today at work.. So I thought it might be amusing to share mine.

Emily’s First Kiss.

     One time.. At band camp.. JK!

     I had my first kiss when I was 12, he wassssss…. 15? Yes, 15. His name was Michael , he is now in and out of mental institutions for schizophrenia (thank gawd for spell check), but that’s besides the point. And back then… He was really cool lol and cute to boot :P All the girls at my church had a crush on him.. (yes I said my church, get over it, move on with your life), but he liked me, and about 5 other girls I later found out but whatever. This story is actually really sweet and I’m ruining it.

     His mom and my mom were good friends, so he would always come over for dinner, and we started to like eachother. My first really innocent crush ya know? Anyways.. one night we were talking on the phone, and he said he was going to come see me, which was ridiculous because it was the middle of winter and like I said he was only 15 and rode a bike, AND he lived all the way downtown. So I said, “No you won’t!?” And he said, “You don’t think I will?” and I said,” Well, boys never do what they say they are going to do.” (So young, yet so wise..wow) Anyways, he said, “Ok, well I have to go do something …” And we hung up the phone.

     My parents had people over, so I was freaking out, thinking to myself, he wouldn’t actually come here would he? So I camped out in my parents room and looked out the front window for about a half an hour. And then suddenly, I see someone on a bicycle outside of my house. I stared in disbelief and partially because I have bad night vision and couldn’t really see if it was indeed him. The person circled on their bike for about 5 minutes, and then proceeded to get off the bike and pick up snow. I continued to stare on, as Michael wrote my name across the road with snow. He got to “E-M-I-L”, before my mom came into the room and told me, “Emily I think there is someone outside for you”

     I went outside and he took his helmet off, wiped the sweat from his brow and smiled. After about 10 minutes of childish, innocent conversation, he walked me to my door. We stood outside the door and he was just staring at me like I was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He then said “You know what I like about you Emily?”… which I responded with a very nervous “What?” and he took one step forward so that our noses were touching and said “Because you don’t get nervous when I get this close.”  My legs began to shake, knees knocking together. He followed by saying “Are your legs shaking because you are nervous.”

Obviously I responded with “No.. I’m fine” And then….. He kissed me…Closed mouth perfect peck. And then he did it once more and then left.

     I went into the house and closed the door, feeling like my heart was going to leap right out of my chest. I just wanted to scream in sheer excitement but couldn’t because of how Christian my family was they would have freaked out. So I had to go back to my room, among my backstreet boys and spice girls posters and pace back in forth, playing that night over and over in my head as to memorize every detail,  until I got tired enough to go to bed.

And then, he went crazy shortly thereafter. Lol

THE END.

Amazing, I know…

This Put A Smile on My Face.

Things That Almost Made Me Cry Today...

As you know I am loving this postcard website - http://thesecretpostcards.tumblr.com - but even though there are some funny ones on there- there are almost 3 times as many sad ones that honestly make me want to cry at my desk. I really feel for these people. Take a look at a few that made me want to whimper like a little kid.



Introducing Captain Custard..

OK so, most interesting thing to talk about today is the fact that I work with this guy.. and obviously... NOT NAMING NAMES.. but I think he deserves a nickname of some sort let's call him.. Captain Custard.. because when I look or talk to him I get the same feeling as I do when I put a spoon full of really delicious custard or pudding in my mouth.. like how its silky and delicious... I know I sound like a complete weirdo right now but. This man is fineeeeeeeeeee, and I will tell you why.. Because this man.. oozes Swagger - and just in case you aren't familiar with this word (A person's style- they way they walk, talk, dress.  I'm loving his swagger!)- courtesy of urbandictionary.com. Anyways yes so he is like walking sex. I swear his smile and big blue eyes light up every room he walks into. And for a lonely woman like my self with no potential suitors.. this is hard to deal with on a daily basis. Looking at him alone is hard ..Like staring at the sun.. MY EYES, MY EYES! but to top it all of.. he wears some kind of cologne that consumes me every time.. EVERY TIME! And he knows it. Do you ever have someone in your life like that.. that from just a mere smile or 5 second gaze you get weak at the knees? It's really distracting!? Mind you, I doubt that there is relationship potential.. maybe just... dare I say... naughty business would be enjoyable... though.. I'm pretty sure if I had to opportunity to part-take in some custard... I don't think it would happen,.. for one.. I am a lady... and two he is really quite intimidating and  I don't want to open that can of worms ya know? Work nookie.. or work cookie... never a good idea. Well maybe not never but most of the time.  Buttttt I'm pretty sure he has a girlfriend, so I won't go there. I don't really know what the point is supposed to be of what I am trying to say but.. I know that I can't be the only one who works with kryptonite like this. I wonder if he realizes how beautiful he is. Sigh. And I really think I wanted to type it out because it has consumed maybe... 62.567% of my thoughts today so I needed to get it out in hopes of being able to hit my goal this month, instead of daydreaming about Captain Custard.. So yes... Now that I have that out.. I want to post some fun shiz.. I'm gonna poke around and see what interesting things I can find.

THIS IS SO TRUE?! Describes me to a 'T'!

Libra
Your element: Air
Your ruling planets: Venus
Symbol: The Scales
Your stone: Opals
Life Pursuit: To be consistent

Vibration: Unsteady

Libran's Secret Desire: To live an easy, uncomplicated life.
Description:Every adolescent Libran's fantasy is to find the Prince or Princess of their dreams. As their lives unfold, the experiences, false starts, dramas, broken hearts and disillusionment they encounter seeking this personal Holy Grail, often shapes their futures in the most extra-ordinary manner. Love and love-lost makes a big difference to the Libran although their often happy-go-lucky appearance against all kinds of odds may not reveal this as fact.


Librans can switch off from the world around then and during these periods much more occurs on the deep innermost levels of the Libran's psyche, than their closest companions imagine. Many Librans after establishing a lifestyle that somehow falls short of their childhood dreams, manage to conjure up a most independent life and keep up an image of being dedicated to a "close relationship". They can escape into obscure role playing - and often this makes them extremely successful business people. When it comes to romance and love, Librans can be difficult to fathom yet in business many Librans discover they can not only be creative, but it provides an opportunity to express the more diverse sides to their personalities. Their charm can win jobs and provides powerful friends. But in both work and play, looking for peace and harmony, Librans often say "yes" when they should be saying "no".


It is a sad fact about many a Libran's personal or business lives to say - many would have faired far better had they remained alone! But for those Librans who do find their secret dream and meet up with their Prince or Princess, that's another story! You'll find them living in some exotic, distant beautiful place, probably running the local bar or restaurant, designing the beach or ski gear, looking wonderful, sipping cocktails and finding life to be the total paradise they knew it could be. What Librans always have to remember when looking to fulfil their dreams is they should never undermine their own integrity and hold out until their dreams do come true - not simply take whatever is offered.

You can find yours at:
http://www.psychicguild.com/horoscopes_explained.php

The Height of My Day.

Anyone who has not yet scene this site.. Must...

Hours of entertainment at work...

Postcards with the most amazing commentary written on them..

Like this...

CHECK IT OUT!

http://thesecretpostcards.tumblr.com

With That Being Said..I Bring To You..

I've decided... that you know what... it's Wednesday... And on Wednesdays.. I need a pick me up.. you know.. it's the middle of the week.. hump day etc etc..so I bring to you my very first edition of "Shoe-Worthy-Wednesday". If you read my description below of ex boyfriends, then you are up to date. These are Men I would let have my shoe.. you know what.. I would probably even write some kind of poem of love on the shoe before giving it to them.. I would even spray it with my perfume so they wouldn't forget me.. I might even glue my foot.. into the shoe in hopes they would take me with the shoe.. That is shoe-worthy. And who better to start this with than....

Jake Gyllenhaal

Let out a sigh and get back to work.

Oh and...You're Welcome

Before I closed my eyes...

So I thought long and hard about what I wanted to talk about today in my first ever post.. Well technically second, but you get what I'm saying.. And It's hard because there are so many things that go through my mind on a daily basis.. So many things I feel so strongly about.. and other things that are just really stupid and funny. But.. I didn't want to overwhelm anyone.. and by anyone I mean my Bestie Rebecca who is really going to be the only one reading this as of right now.. or  overwhelm myself, so I thought I would start with something simple. So last night as I was getting comfortable in bed.. dealing with the ridiculous computer virus I now have called "System Tool" - google that shit, it's ridiculous. How I got it.. I don't know... maybe from porn.... YES PORN... It's 2010.. women look at porn from time to time.. We need inspiration too people? It is a lonely effing world. (PS... reason #45687345 Why some people who sit near me at work are annoying.. because they constantly hum... as I'm typing this... they are humming.. and no specific tune... No..because if it were a specific tune.. I would try and embrace it..maybe even do a little jig along to it.. but its just random notes smushed together into the definition of annoying.. I dream of her silence.. only dream) Anyways.. I decided to call my ex to wish him a happy birthday.. whyyyy because I was the 'dumper' and I feel bad ok?.. he is struggling. So I call him.. and it was fine.. I felt good about my decision to call him.. until.. the emotions started flowing.. the "I miss you.. I love you..." you know. I am not sympathetic because.. he fully deserved to be dumped..but that's a whole other story. So .. I strategically.. tried to get out of the convo leaving as little damage behind as possible .. When I finally got off the phone ...INSTANTLY.. the boy..and I mean BOY.. not MAN.. that wasn't a mistake.. and no I'm not bitter.. maybe a bit but whatever. He starts BLOWIN up my phone "I can't do this anymore.. I can't just be friends.. I need you to block me from facebook.. just rip it off like a band aid, block my number too.. your face is everywhere.. every song I hear I think of you.. I miss you so much.. and I keep wishing for something that will never happen." Etc Etc Etc Etc Etc Etc. Which brings me to my synopsis of how I feel about Ex Boyfriends which I shared with my Bestie a while back..that really came to be very true.

Sometimes.. breaking up with a guy.. is similar to stepping in some dog poo. Sometimes, you go for days, sporadically smelling the stench, but confused as to its source. Until one day, you discover, that the poo has indeed grabbed a hold of your beautiful, innocent, fragile shoe. So you scrub that shoe. You scrub hard. But by this time.. the poo and your shoe seem to have merged together, never to part. And all you want, it your beautiful.. stenchless shoe back BUT YOU JUST CAN'T HAVE IT!? Men..are that poo. They take your shoe.. And gawd damn it... I want my effing shoe back! C'est Ca.

My Blog

Why am I starting a blog? Mainly because people constantly tell me how I am just a black hole for drama. I have a lot stories that are completely ridiculous and that I  love sharing with people. Not only that, but I feel like 2011 is going to be a huge year of change for myself and I want to share the changes I plan on making to help others that may feel the way I do. Which is completely hopelessly ordinary. I go through my days feeling like a tiny little spec in the world that will easily be forgotten when I'm gone. I feel like I don't do anything worthwhile. I have no real hobbies... no real ambitions.. Well at least, the ones I do have.. I'm too lazy or demotivated to obtain. No one else really to blame for these feelings other than myself. Maybe, being such a loser in high school just stuck with me? Maybe, constantly having horrible relationshits...? (No that was not a typo)..But,  I'm not a victim of my own emotions. I feel like it is time to smarten up and do a lot of things this upcoming year that I have held myself back from doing for a long time. And hopefully, anyone who reads the things I write about.. might do things that scare them, or not even scare them, but things that will maybe make you happy!? ..or maybe not! But at least you've tried them ya know? Anyways, I'm a quirky person, so I'm going to post about a lot of random things..things that are important to me, things that drive me nuts, my friends, celebrities maybe, changes I'm making, there really isn't anything I won't talk about.. At the end of the day.. This blog is going to be.. my creative outlet, my diary, and something to keep me accountable on the goals I have set for myself for AT LEAST the next year. I hope you will enjoy it as much as I hope to and please comment on anything stupid, funny, or hopefully once and a while smart things I post. I CAN'T WAIT TO START!

PS- This is Yours Truly