Sigh.. Tuesday

Today... Today.. what to say today. I am bored.. So bored with life in general. I really don't want to work til I'm 65 ... I don't see how that is possibly. I'm not a lazy person. But the routine is killing me. I have to find something different to spice my life up before I fade away. I feel so insanely typical and ordinary. Sitting here alone at my desk.. I went for a massage the other day and talked to the masseuse about going to school for massage therapy because it is something I have been considering. When she started describing what the class entailed. I don't think I have ever felt so overwhelmed. It is has been so long since I have been in school learning things on a regular basis, it is terrifying to think about going back to that. And everyone says "well if it is something you really want to do then you will do well!" But that is the thing.. it isn't something I really want to do I just want to make money and do something I enjoy doing. And it just feels impossible. I have 15k in debt hanging over my head in debt.. feels like I am completely trapped. And if I go back to school that means more debt. MORE!? I don't want anymore. What are the chances of winning the lottery.. pretty slim huh? Jeez... Become a stripper? Nooooo... unfortunately I'm too classy... They weren't kidding when they said life's not easy. But I tell you.. days like today.. I feel like my "shituation" is completely swallowing me whole and it's hard to breathe. Like being stuck in a sauna breathing through a straw.. It is horrible. I wish I felt a sense of direction. How do people know what they are meant to do anyway..? How do you decide? How do I get out of my boring life? Argh...