Before I closed my eyes...

So I thought long and hard about what I wanted to talk about today in my first ever post.. Well technically second, but you get what I'm saying.. And It's hard because there are so many things that go through my mind on a daily basis.. So many things I feel so strongly about.. and other things that are just really stupid and funny. But.. I didn't want to overwhelm anyone.. and by anyone I mean my Bestie Rebecca who is really going to be the only one reading this as of right now.. or  overwhelm myself, so I thought I would start with something simple. So last night as I was getting comfortable in bed.. dealing with the ridiculous computer virus I now have called "System Tool" - google that shit, it's ridiculous. How I got it.. I don't know... maybe from porn.... YES PORN... It's 2010.. women look at porn from time to time.. We need inspiration too people? It is a lonely effing world. (PS... reason #45687345 Why some people who sit near me at work are annoying.. because they constantly hum... as I'm typing this... they are humming.. and no specific tune... No..because if it were a specific tune.. I would try and embrace it..maybe even do a little jig along to it.. but its just random notes smushed together into the definition of annoying.. I dream of her silence.. only dream) Anyways.. I decided to call my ex to wish him a happy birthday.. whyyyy because I was the 'dumper' and I feel bad ok?.. he is struggling. So I call him.. and it was fine.. I felt good about my decision to call him.. until.. the emotions started flowing.. the "I miss you.. I love you..." you know. I am not sympathetic because.. he fully deserved to be dumped..but that's a whole other story. So .. I strategically.. tried to get out of the convo leaving as little damage behind as possible .. When I finally got off the phone ...INSTANTLY.. the boy..and I mean BOY.. not MAN.. that wasn't a mistake.. and no I'm not bitter.. maybe a bit but whatever. He starts BLOWIN up my phone "I can't do this anymore.. I can't just be friends.. I need you to block me from facebook.. just rip it off like a band aid, block my number too.. your face is everywhere.. every song I hear I think of you.. I miss you so much.. and I keep wishing for something that will never happen." Etc Etc Etc Etc Etc Etc. Which brings me to my synopsis of how I feel about Ex Boyfriends which I shared with my Bestie a while back..that really came to be very true.

Sometimes.. breaking up with a guy.. is similar to stepping in some dog poo. Sometimes, you go for days, sporadically smelling the stench, but confused as to its source. Until one day, you discover, that the poo has indeed grabbed a hold of your beautiful, innocent, fragile shoe. So you scrub that shoe. You scrub hard. But by this time.. the poo and your shoe seem to have merged together, never to part. And all you want, it your beautiful.. stenchless shoe back BUT YOU JUST CAN'T HAVE IT!? Men..are that poo. They take your shoe.. And gawd damn it... I want my effing shoe back! C'est Ca.