Welcoming The New Year.. New Page... New Opportunities...

It's 2011 Bitches...
It's time to turn the page in my life story..

So I recently watched the movie Black Swan with my Bestie Rebecca whom I lurveeeeeee.
The movie was... interesting... very intense. kinda gross.. and scary at times.. But overall the movie in general was really good. I really liked the concept.

I found it very easy to relate to in the way that I really feel like I have two parts to myself. And I'm sure a lot of people feel that way.. I'm not a crazy person.. its no like I have split personality disorder or anything crazy like Black Swan. But maybe around the same level of Beyonce, where she has Sasha Fierce.. who she calls the performer aspect of herself.

I really feel like I have this person inside of myself that I really want to be.. A stronger.. healthier .. more ambitious and exciting person that for some reason I don't let out. Well actually it comes out at times.. when I need it..for instance in a business meeting or interview when I know I need to be strong and exude confidence.  Or other times unexpectedly.. like.. when I take over control with someone..usually a man.. whether it be sexually or mentally.. I find it almost like a high to have some kind of feeling of power over someone. If that even makes sense. It's not like I have power.. but it feels like I do? I don't know it's hard to explain. I find the one way it comes out is teasing a man sexually. Having someone submit to you.. I enjoy this person inside the stronger person whose feelings are hurt less easily and.. the confidence and all that jazz..

To be honest.. if I could describe the feeling.. it's almost like I have gone though most of my life wearing a sweater inside out. Like it's still a sweater.. it still does the job, but the side you would rather show can't be seen. Or how a puppy will roll over on its back in a submissive mind set.. which goes back to their animal instincts.. it is a sign of defeat.. exposing the most fragile, vital parts of themselves, yours for the taking. I feel like I live each day that way, instead of standing my ground.  I really want to put my sweater on the right way.  I want to stand my ground.. And be the person I want to be..

It's not going to happen right away.. it's going to take baby steps but to start out.. these first 3 months are going to be crucial. First things on my list are getting in shape.. and saving money. So that's what I'm going to do.

For the next 3 months.. I will be going to the gym at my work.. twice a day.. 4 days a week.. And eating healthy.. no more junk food.. Decreasing my amount of carbs substantially. Just eating healthier in general.
I want to lose 30 pounds.. This sounds a little crazy I know.. but I am a curvy girl I have room to lose and.. if at any point I start to think its too much I will stop. I just want to feel and look healthier. I have never felt comfortable in my own skin.. This is year is going to be the year of Hot Emily..lol I know she's in there..To help myself further concentrate on this goal.. I'm not going to have any sex until April. Not saying in April everything goes out the door and I'll go back to my old habits or anything as far as bad food etc.. I just think I will be at more of a maintaining stage by that point.. I don't want boys distracting me.. I'll meet my person when I'm meant to.. this is Emily time.

As far as the money guys.. I'm going to write up a financial plan for myself. Remembering my goal is to pay down 5k this year.


So that's it for today.. but Imma give u a Shoe-Worthy Wednesday since I've been so busy :(
C'est Ca